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Childhood trauma therapy in Orange County and across California
What happened when you were young didn't stay there. If the adults around you were frightening, or absent, or needed you to take care of them, you learned early what to expect from people, and you may still be living by those lessons. You may also be telling yourself it wasn't that bad. Therapy can help you understand what you learned and what it's doing now.
When it started early
Children don't get to leave, and they don't know that what's happening isn't normal. They adapt. They become the quiet one, the helper, the one who watches everyone's mood, the one who is never any trouble. Those adaptations kept you safe then.
In adulthood they can look like perfectionism, trouble saying no, a harsh voice in your head, or a hard time believing good things will last. And not all childhood trauma is something that happened. Some of it is what didn't: comfort, attention, someone to tell. Emotional neglect leaves marks too.
I'm in network with Aetna and UnitedHealthcare, and I provide a superbill if you'd like to submit to another plan.
How insurance works Fees Parents who couldn't be there for you
How I work with childhood trauma
Four things shape how I approach this.
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You don't have to tell me everything. We can do meaningful work without going through what happened in detail, and we never go anywhere you haven't agreed to go.
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We work with the body, not around it. Early hurt is often held as bracing, numbness or a sense of being on guard. We use grounding, breath and tracking what you notice physically, in small pieces, and slow down whenever it's too much.
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We get curious about the parts of you that formed back then. Using Internal Family Systems, we meet the child who learned to be good, the one who was frightened, the one who stopped asking for anything. Those parts aren't the problem. They are carrying something, and they can be met with compassion instead of criticism.
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We look at what you learned about people. When the people who were meant to keep you safe couldn't, it shapes what you expect from closeness. Attachment-based work gives us a way to see those patterns and to notice them as they show up now.
Read more about somatic therapy Read more about IFS-informed therapy Read more about attachment-based therapy
Signs childhood trauma may still be running things
- Taking care of everyone else, and not knowing how to be taken care of
- A voice in your head that criticizes you the way someone once did
- Needing to be perfect, or needing to disappear
- Being drawn to relationships that feel familiar, and hard
- Feeling too much, or nothing at all
- Waiting for the other shoe to drop when things are good
- Feeling that what happened wasn't bad enough to count
Having some of these doesn't mean something is wrong with you. They are often how a child learned to get through. If you also have nightmares, flashbacks or a sense that the past is happening again, the trauma page covers PTSD and complex PTSD.
What the first few sessions look like
We start with stability before we go near anything difficult. I want you to have reliable ways to come back to the present, and I want to know what actually works for you. From there, we move at whatever pace feels comfortable, and we check in often about whether the work is helping. If a week is too much, we slow down.
Sessions are 50 minutes, in person in Anaheim Hills or by secure video, and most people start weekly.
Is this a fit
This is likely a fit if what happened early still shapes your present, if you've talked about your childhood before and it didn't change much, or if you'd like to work on the effects without going through the events themselves.
It's likely not a fit right now if you need a higher level of care than weekly outpatient therapy, or if there's active substance use that needs its own treatment first. Tell me on the consultation call, and I'll help you find the right level of support.
Common questions
- Do I have to talk about my childhood in detail?
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No. Retelling in detail is not required and not something I push toward. We work with how it lives in you now – in your body, your relationships and the way you speak to yourself.
- What if my childhood wasn't "that bad"?
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Comparing is common, and it keeps a lot of people from starting. Hurt doesn't have to be dramatic to count. What was missing – comfort, attention, someone to tell – can shape a person as much as what happened.
- Can I do this if I still have a relationship with my family?
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Yes. Therapy here doesn't ask you to decide anything about your family. You set the pace, and what you do with those relationships stays yours to choose.
- Is this different from regular trauma therapy?
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It is the same approach, pointed at what started early. Trauma that began in childhood tends to shape how you relate to people, so we spend more time on the parts of you that formed back then and on what you learned to expect from others. Read more about trauma therapy
- Do you take insurance?
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Yes, if you have Aetna or UnitedHealthcare (through Optum). I bill your plan and you pay your copay. For other plans I can give you a superbill to submit for out-of-network reimbursement. See how insurance works
- Does online therapy work for this?
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Many people find it does, and some find it easier to begin from somewhere that already feels like theirs. It needs a private space, a steady connection, and for you to be in California during the session. How online therapy works
Not sure which fits?
Most people don't arrive with a clean label, and the thing you came in for is often not the whole story. You don't need to decide now. The other places people start:
Trauma therapy Parents who couldn't be there for you Anxiety and depression Grief and loss Couples and family therapy