How I work
IFS-informed therapy in Orange County and across California
There's a part of you that wants to change, and a part of you that keeps doing the same thing. A part that knows the relationship isn't working, and a part that can't leave. A part that's quick to criticize you, and a part that wants to be kind. All of this can leave you feeling conflicted, stuck between different versions of what you want.
Internal Family Systems helps you understand these different parts and the roles they play in your life. Instead of judging them or trying to get rid of them, we work to understand what each one is trying to protect, and what it needs. Over time, this can help you respond to yourself with more compassion, and make choices from a calmer, more grounded place.
Building self-compassion with IFS
Self-compassion can sound like it means going easy on yourself, but it usually works the other way around. Once you stop fighting or silencing the parts of you that are struggling, you free up energy to actually think clearly and choose well. Self-compassion isn't about lowering your standards – it's about no longer needing to suffer to reach them.
Parts you might recognize
Chances are, you already know some of your parts well, even if you've never called them that. A few common ones:
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The Critic
The voice that points out what you did wrong before anyone else can. It can sound harsh, but it's often trying to protect you from judgment or rejection.
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The Achiever
The part that keeps you productive, high-functioning, and one step ahead. It can be hard to slow down, even when you're exhausted.
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The Peacekeeper
The part that smooths things over, avoids conflict, and prioritizes everyone else's comfort – sometimes at the cost of your own.
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The Shutdown Part
The one that goes quiet, numbs out, or checks out entirely when something feels like too much.
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The Protector
The part that keeps you guarded, keeps people at a distance, or tests whether someone can be trusted before letting them get close.
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The Inner Child
The younger part of you still carrying an old hurt, fear, or need that never quite got addressed.
None of these parts are the problem. Each one developed for a reason. Getting to know them – instead of fighting them or trying to push them away – is often where real change starts.
What this looks like in a session
In a session, we might slow down to focus on a situation that brought up a strong reaction or notice what's coming up for you in the moment. Together, we'll tune into what you're feeling, what thoughts are coming up, and which part of you may be responding. Rather than trying to push that reaction away, we'll get curious about what it's trying to do for you and what it may be protecting.
Because I also work somatically, the two fit together closely. Parts tend to announce themselves in the body first – the throat that tightens, the stomach that drops – and paying attention to those sensations can help us recognize what's showing up for you. Over time, this can help you understand yourself with more compassion, and respond to difficult situations with more choice and less reactivity.
Common questions
- Do I have to believe I have "parts"?
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No. You can treat it as a useful way of talking about conflicting impulses and it works just as well. Nobody has to adopt a framework to benefit from it.
- Is this the same as multiple personalities?
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No. Dissociative identity disorder is a distinct clinical condition. Having parts, in the IFS sense, is ordinary and universal – it describes the everyday experience of wanting two contradictory things at once.
- Does IFS work over video?
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Yes. Much of the work is internal and reflective, which translates well to telehealth. Some clients find it easier from their own home, where they already feel safe.