Attachment-based therapy in Orange County and across California

Attachment styles

Attachment styles describe patterns we develop for how we connect, trust, and handle closeness. Most people see themselves in more than one.

• Secure

  Comfortable with both closeness and independence. Able to trust others, ask for what you need, and handle conflict without feeling like the relationship is at risk.

• Anxious

  Wants closeness, but often worries about being rejected or left. This can look like needing frequent reassurance, feeling on edge about a partner's mood, or struggling to feel secure even when things are going well.

• Avoidant

  Values independence, sometimes to the point of discomfort with closeness. This can look like pulling away when things get too intimate, minimizing your own needs, or finding it hard to ask for support.

• Disorganized (fearful-avoidant)

  A mix of anxious and avoidant patterns – wanting closeness but also fearing it. Often shows up as push-pull dynamics, difficulty trusting, and conflicting reactions to intimacy (wanting connection, then feeling unsettled and uncomfortable when you have it). This style is frequently linked to earlier experiences of unpredictability or past trauma.

Most people don't fit neatly into one category, and attachment styles can shift with the right support. Part of our work together is understanding your patterns and building more security into how you connect.

What this looks like in a session

Exploring attachment in session usually starts with noticing a pattern – maybe in how you handle conflict, ask for support, or respond when someone gets close. From there, we look at where that pattern may have started, not to assign blame, but to understand it well enough to have more choice in how you respond now. Often, a part of you developed that pattern to keep you safe, and we'll get curious about it rather than push it away. We'll also pay attention to how these patterns show up in your body – the tension, the pulling back, the bracing – since the body often holds onto attachment patterns just as much as the mind does.

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It isn't only about romantic relationships

Attachment isn't just about romantic relationships. The way we connect with others can show up in friendships, family relationships, parenting, and even in how we relate to ourselves. In sessions, we might look at a recent interaction where you felt hurt, disconnected, rejected, or unsure of how to respond and explore what happens for you in those moments. We can begin to notice patterns in how you handle closeness, conflict, trust, and asking for support, and work toward responding in ways that feel more secure and aligned with the relationships you want to have.

In our work together

Attachment patterns don't just show up outside of session – they often show up in the therapy relationship itself. You might notice yourself worrying about what I think of you, hesitating to disagree with me, or feeling unsure whether it's okay to bring up something difficult. Rather than something to avoid, that's actually useful material. Our relationship can become a safe place to notice these patterns as they happen, and practice something different – asking for what you need, tolerating closeness, or trusting that the relationship can hold whatever comes up.